Sunday, March 17, 2024

Washed By the Water


    Oh happy Day! My second-born baby, my Gabriel, was Baptized today! What an honor and a privilege it was to watch as he proudly shared his testimony and professed his faith before he was immersed and washed by the water, in the name of our Father. To say that I am proud is an understatement. 


    And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." -Act 2:38


    One of my most favorite memories of Gabriel is one from when he was just three years old. He sat perched in the front of my grocery cart with a Buzz LightYear in one hand and Woody in the other as he belted out the words to DC Talk's "In the Light" followed by "Word of God Speak" by Mercy Me, as I shopped for our groceries that morning. He sang as if he were in his own little world with this tiny little toddler voice. An elderly woman gently patted his head and said, "You keep singing, precious!" And he did. And God gave my boy a gift and a love for music that I pray never ends! When he was in middle school, he and a fellow percussionist came up with a plan to become music missionaries when they were older. They decided that they'd perform outside of stores with a hat to collect money from the store's patrons as a way to save up for mission trips. I remember how excited they were to share their plans. They spoke with such enthusiasm, as I silently prayed for God's will for the both of them. 

    My boy may not have become the things he hoped he'd become when he was making big plans, at just twelve years old. But he's living a life that exudes Christ, nonetheless. He's a beacon in a dark world. He is a gentle spirit, loving, giving, and so, so kind. 

    My Dearest Son Kabobs,

        What a joy and a blessing to have witnessed your Baptism today! You conquered an old fear. One that kept you from being Baptized all those years ago. Nothing is too big for God! Today was a HUGE step! One that took a lot of courage and faith. I'm so proud of you for being able to publicly show the world that you've been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. As your mama, there isn't anything that could bring me greater joy than to know my child's salvation. My prayer for you is that you never grow tired of seeking or serving God. I pray that you sing songs for Him just like you did in that shopping cart, all those years ago. I pray that you grow in confidence of the man you are becoming because of Christ alone. You make me immensely proud.

To infinity and beyond...





Here are just a few more (Thank you, Kelly, for taking some of these photos!!!):

If any of you, who are friends with Gabriel, got photos that you'd like to share, please do! I'll be happy to add them here! 

Relishing in HIS goodness....
Christy
IStndAmzd79@gmail.com

Monday, February 19, 2024

Mama Re

    


Oftentimes, when referring to her, I refer to her as "the quintessential farm wife". Luke's mama is, indeed, the quintessential farm wife with fifty plus years of experience under her belt. She is a plethora of useful knowledge, talent, and creativity that far surpasses anything I could ever begin to conceive. She sews and quilts beautifully, paints and draws like a masterful artist, prepares and jars all that her husband produces, bakes bread that makes her home smell like a bakery, keeps all of the finances in order, she is her family's biggest prayer warrior, and has kept a beautiful home where she welcomes us lovingly into each time we are there. I tell her, constantly, that when I grow up I want to be just like her. She is strength and resilience, wisdom and intelligence, a keen sense of humor coupled with contagious laughter, and so much love. We are simply blessed to be a part of her world. 

    We had the pleasure of celebrating her 75th year of life, with her, over the weekend. In true Mama Re fashion, she made us laugh as she blew her candles out mere seconds into the "Happy Birthday" song. She marches to the beat of her own drummer and I LOVE this about her. 

    What a blessing to know her and an even bigger blessing to be loved by her. 


Dear Mama Re,

    It's impossible for me not to thank God for you when thanking Him for creating Luke and putting him in my heart and on my path. My gratitude, for you, is bountiful and ever-mounting. I am incredibly grateful for your Proverbs 31 influence in our lives as well as for all of the love you've shown my babies and I. I'm thankful that you survived that stroke and lived to show it who was boss! I'm thankful that we were able to celebrate Christmas as well as your birthday, with you and Pops, in the home that you've made so warm and inviting for anyone who steps into it. I am thankful that you have shown such precious love and friendship to me. I am thankful that I have learned and I continue to learn so much from you. I am thankful for every conversation, every hug, every shared tear and heaps of laughter had with you. I am thankful that you love me as if I were one of your own...and consider my babies your own grandchildren, to boot. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world. You have blessed my soul exceedingly well. I pray that this 75th year of life finds you continuing to bless the world around you and being blessed, ten fold, in return. We love you a bushel and a peck, precious lady.


You are, most definitely, a Proverbs 31 woman. 


She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” -Proverbs 31:25-29

Relishing in His goodness...

Christy

IStndAmzd79@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Apologies and Living the American Dream

   
    


    This post is extremely difficult for me to share, and one that I never imagined I'd actually ever make as I was quite content keeping the matter private for as long as I live. I'm coming clean with this not for the sake of attention but for reasons that God placed upon my heart, today. When God calls and tells you what you need to do, it's hard to ignore. And...frankly, I don't want to be swallowed by a whale, so here goes.

    As is instinctual of my nature, I immediately felt the need to preemptively apologize to our loved ones for this post even before I sat down to type the words out for it. Ugh. I can't apologize for keeping things from you. I have to deal with the heavy stuff in my own way. I hope you understand that. I do apologize if the news disappoints you, though. I can't speak for my fella but, ultimately, neither of us wants to be a disappointment to our families. We aren't married, so...you get where I'm going with this. 

    In the fall, I found myself typing the words "statistic ratings for miscarriage after 40", into my google search engine, after two faintly pink lines told me what I already knew of what had become of my body some weeks before. The odds were most definitely against me. I knew that before I searched for the answer. My body has rejected pregnancy several times before. The four babies that I was blessed to carry to fruition were either nearly rejected in the first trimester or extremely difficult to carry and I was placed on bed rest with all of them from beginning to end. My body simply does not take well to pregnancy. Given my history and age, I knew the chances of viability were going to be slim to none. Even still, a thousand thoughts raced through my mind from the moment I woke up, each morning, until I fell asleep each night. On top of thoughts of miscarriage expectations, plaguing my mind were thoughts such as, "How will I tell my kids if this turns out to be a viable pregnancy? Everyone is going to be upset about this news. What were we thinking? This is going to disappoint everyone. How will this change our relationship? We are too old to have a baby!" Every once in a while, my negative thoughts would be overshadowed by thoughts of hope of new life. I prayed the baby would have certain attributes that I love most about my fella and his sweet family, most especially in those quiet moments when he'd instinctively and softly reach down to rub my abdomen. Thank you, God, for those precious moments with him. 

    Viability indeed proved unfavorable, and I suffered a miscarriage before the end of my first trimester, however. I found myself immediately apologizing for my body's hindrance to him. Why do we do this, ladies? I hate that I feel so ashamed of something that I have zero control over. But, alas, I apologized over and over again as he allowed me to cover him in snot and ugly tears as he consoled me with precious words of love and affirmation, for hours on end, until I'd fall asleep. He was precious and I'm thankful he was there. He brought me much comfort.

 We suffered like that in the dark, behind closed doors, in those early days after that loss. I came out of my room, those following mornings, with a smile plastered to my face for the sake of my children, and went through the motions of life. Also for their sake. But then I'd crawl back into bed, at the end of each day, to sob all over again. Pregnancy loss brings upon an isolating grief, as it is, I suppose. We allowed ourselves a couple of days to deal before quickly returning to our busy lives. He had to leave for an out-of-town trip several days later, that he cut short, for my sake probably. Bless him. I love his heart. We've very seldom spoken about it again. In reality, life has gotten even busier than before that loss so we've had little time to dwell...and I'm personally thankful for that. 

    Months later, I truly have much gratitude to God for gifting me with another soul to meet in Heaven. God doesn't make mistakes. We may not understand the why's but we're not meant to know them all, either. I trust His will for me and for us and I'm incredibly thankful for it. God is always so, so good to us. 

    My body hasn't been the same since that miscarriage. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's age or something more going on. My hormones are all over the place and my cycles have been sheer insanity. Because of that, I've been getting migraines consistently and quite often, for the past several months. I need to have it taken care of but living the American dream (for those of you reading outside of the U.S.), in my case, consists of losing your medical insurance when your insured spouse passes away. I pay out of pocket for my doctor's appointments which are pricey and happen far less often than they were happening before losing medical insurance. I do have an appointment coming up, but I'm slightly worried that I'll need to have surgery. In which case, it won't happen until I'm able to find a job with a good medical insurance plan. Typically, that means that I'll be working just to pay for our insurance. How's that for living the American dream, folks? heh. 

    Back to the point of this post. For those of you whom have suffered pregnancy loss, I feel the need to say to you, DO NOT BE ASHAMED! We are not failures! Losing a pregnancy or several, does not make us less than. We are not broken. We are plenty deserving and we are enough! We are not at fault and we aren't being punished. Know that your baby meant and still means something. Do not let your losses define you or steal your self-worth. 

    If you, sweet reader, have suffered in silence, because the emotional impact from miscarriage lasts far longer than the physical, my prayer is that you find the strength to find someone to share your story with. I'm more than happy to be a shoulder...and I'm simply an e-mail away. 

    In closing, I want to share a verse that I find a tremendous amount of comfort in when thinking about the sweet souls that were created preciously in my womb only to meet our Savior before I could meet them first. Can you imagine how perfect their creation and meeting must have been?! What a blessing for those babies!

 "If I rise on the wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the Earth. You saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them ever came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." -Psalm 139: 9-18

    My babies were and still are full of life and are loved as God created them. I'm so thankful that God loved me enough to create their precious souls in my womb before calling them home. The day I leave this world is the day that I get to meet my Father and those sweet babies. What a day that'll be! I still hope our baby looks like my Luke. 

    To our families, this wasn't created to hurt you. I so hope that it doesn't. We made the choice not to tell anyone as we processed it all. The last thing we needed was to know that our choices resulted in not just loss but also disappointment. I kindly ask you to keep your negative comments to yourself. We have dealt with plenty and have an abundance on our plates still. 

    To all others, my offer still stands. Just an e-mail away. 
:)

Relishing in HIS goodness...
Christy
IStndAmzd79@gmail.com

 


Monday, January 8, 2024

Psalm 65:11

  

    Luke's parents have opened their hearts and family up to not just me but to my children, as well, treating them as if they were their own flesh and blood. Just as my fella has, his homestead and family have left an indelible mark on my soul that I will forever be grateful for. I am constantly reminded of how much God loves me when I am there and with all of them. The two younger children have similarly been affected by them and that beautiful place and we each long to be there and with them when we are away. Luke says that, when he crosses that county line, he breathes a sigh of relief and feels the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders. It's impossible not to see why. 

    The place is simplistic in its beauty. There aren't majestic mountains to ogle at, or a roaring ocean to be heard. But the air is scented with tall Georgia pines that fill one's soul with instant serenity. Hawks, in solitude, perched among their branches. Every once in a while, a vehement dive into a field for another meal, with impressive speed and wingspan. Blue birds and cardinals hop along the bases of pecan trees, pecking at the ground, in the back yard every morning. A herd of deer graze in the cornfield just past those pecan trees as the calves make their way to the best spots of dewy grass just across the way. I especially like the one whose face is half black and half white. He stands out amongst the small herd of black-faced calves. I sip my coffee, in silent reverie, while observing the morning's grand gesture of scenic offerings. I can't believe that I'm this blessed and I thank God for it, over and over.

    From the front porch, the afternoon sky offers a backdrop of fat fluffy clouds that look as though they were painted above the perfectly kept field that houses a pond that his granddaddy built for his grandmother who loved to fish. That pond was filled with catfish many years ago, and has become a favorite spot for Ella and Jacob. Luke's daddy told them that he once fished in that pond using boiled peanuts for bait...and it worked. I count every shared story, like that one, such a blessing. These are things they also appreciate and will forever remember about this family we've been blessed with. In that same field, hay has been compacted into several fat round bales that are lined neatly in a row. My babies love to climb on top of those bales and watch the pond from there. Luke's father, who they lovingly refer to as "Pops" said, "They can play on top of those hay bales all they want to.", with the most genuine and loving smile on his face. From the front porch, where my fella was building a fire pit, I heard them chatting and laughing atop those very hay bales and I thought to myself, this is what they've needed for such a long time. This is what we all needed. God is good to us. We came from a place of trauma and were gifted with such a tremendous amount of love, peace, and family. We don't take any of it for granted, Thank you, Father. 

These are photos that Ella, Jacob, and I took there recently. 

The house with the red truck is my Luke's. His grandfather built that house in the 40's and his mother and aunt were raised there. It's been such a blessing for us to bring life back into that home, along with Luke. The house, just across the way, is his parents home where Luke and his sister were raised. His aunt lives next door to his house. I can't imagine what it must have been like for Luke to have been raised in close proximity to such a large family (there are more family members just a few miles away), but I know it's blessed us well to have them all in our lives in the short amount of time that we have known them. 
This was my view walking back from his parents house to his house.


    I've not yet created a post of our Christmas and New Year so I'll just lump that into this post. There are no rules to blogging, after all. The holidays were chaotic and involved a heap of driving. BUT, what a blessing to have so many loved ones to celebrate with. 
Luke and his Daddy
My mama holding my grandbaby
My four babies with their cousin, Wesley.
My sister and baby grand
He makes me laugh on a daily. 
My sister and her babies
Boyfriend's got jokes. 
Even Roscoe was warn out from all that celebrating! 
Christmas night; reflecting on the day's events, before heading to bed, found me observing this quiet scene with much gratitude and slight sadness that it came and went so very quickly. 
Our church hosted a New Year's Eve talent show, 11:00 p.m. breakfast, fellowship and prayer before the big countdown, followed by a fireworks display. Such a blessing!
Last family photo of 2023!
First photo in 2024. As you can see, I survived the holiday chaos, that ensued, with my sanity almost completely somewhat intact. :)

I hope that you enjoyed your holiday season and have such a blessed new year! As always, I thoroughly enjoy getting emails from you guys and hope to hear about your adventures in this new year! Much love and blessings from our family to yours!

Relishing in His goodness...
Christy
IStndAmzd79@gmail.com