Thursday, February 19, 2009

Saying goodbye to the Year of Job

It's been so long since I've been here to blog. Wow. I've missed my lil ole blog. I forgot how much solace it always seemed to bring me.

2008 stunk. Simply put. It just stunk. It will forever be my Year of Job, because it was probably the year that I have faced more adversity in my entire life. And I survived it! Thank you, God, for bringing my though it all. You know what? I wouldn't have changed any of it. My heart, my soul, my mind have all grown in a way that I have prayed for them to grow. My life is forever changed, as is my relationship with Christ. After Darrell lost his job at the beginning of 2008, I had no idea what was in store for us. Pride is something that has always plagued me. I've never been able to rid myself of it. When you are brought to your knees and close to losing every worldly possession in order to feed your children, pride no longer becomes an issue. We could have lost everything. In fact, looking back I'm in complete awe over God's mercy, because we were so close. We were surrounded by family and friends who wouldn't allow us to sink. By His grace, we floated above the waves and were saved a million times over. By October Darrell received a phone call. The one phone call that we had been praying for. The job that we had been praying for had been given to him. Fall to your knees in praise kind of a moment. >:0) Soon after, we discovered that we were blessed with a precious little one who would grace us with his/her presence in July 09. One week before Christmas, however, our sweet blessing went to be with the Lord. Labor began as I was cooking dinner, and I knew what was going to happen but I thought that if I could just get finished cooking their dinner, I could just lay down for a while and pray for the contractions to subside. Darrell got the children off to sleep that night. We laid together and prayed, but by midnight the worst had begun. I know that most people who read this will think that I'm absolutely crazy for making the decision to let it happen at home, but I felt that my reasons were quite valid. It was traumatic enough an experience for Darrell and I, but to have to wake the children up and get them involved so that my miscarriage could take place inside of our car or an ambulance was just not an option in my mind. God was with me. He cradled me as I lost that sweet child. I felt His presence there, and I am forever changed for having felt it all. The only downfall to having made the decision to let it all happen at home was that, by morning, I was extremely weak and sick. My precious husband didn't let the kids know that anything was wrong. He got the two older ones off to school, got Ella and I dressed, and after putting Ella into the car, came back in and helped me to the car as well. He was so strong for all of us. What would I have done without him? I must applaud the ER staff at the Newnan hospital. They were absolutely amazing throughout my time there. I had not heard anything positive about the ER before this experience, but I have to say that they were an amazing group. A very compassionate group, and they sincerely tried, as I could tell, to make my experience there as comfortable as it possibly could have been.

Despite it all, Christmas was beautiful, and we were really moved by the Spirit. Thanks to our pals from LBC. >:0) Thank you, sweet fam, for inviting us over and making us feel like we were home and part of your family. xoxo On New Years Eve we watched that Georgia Peach drop and, for the first time, it didn't seem like a sad occasion. I said goodbye to our Year of Job. I said goodbye to grief and sorrow. I said goodbye to pride. I gave it all to God. I feel so richly blessed. I've been asked how I can make that statement after losing a baby. Some may think, "She already has three. She didn't need another one. That's way she isn't stuck in grief." Oh no, dear friends. No. The Lord made me a mother to that little angel for a period of time. It wasn't near as long as I would have hoped for, but it was something. It was a really HUGE something to me. To live in my grief would be taking away from the time that my Father gave me with my little one. I can't bear the thought of ever losing sight of something so precious. After all, it's all that I have left now.

2009 has started off really swell. Although, Darrell had training in Korea for a short period of time that kind of stunk, but he had some super funny stories to tell. I'm glad that he got to see a new place, and indulge in a new culture for a few weeks. I'm really glad that he's home though. I have a new found appreciation for him, it seems. he,he. I'm feeling led to do some mission work. I'm feeling really led, actually. I'm kind of like Moses, though. I have the heart, but not sure I have the right words needed to get something big started. We'll see what happens.

I'll share some pictures soon. >:0)

Leaving you with my new favorite verse. Hope it blesses you as it does me.

For I know the thoughts that I think of you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Relishing in His goodness...

1 comment:

Mindy said...

Oh, gosh, Christy... I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. A HUGE hug to you all.

I am so glad to hear that Darrell found such a great job! I can only imagine the relief that is for you all. May this year hold many more blessings for you and your family!