Friday, October 8, 2010

The Dark Cloud

There seems to be a dark cloud hanging around here.

Gabriel is not having the best school year. He was being picked on because one of his best pals sang a song, aloud, about how Gabriel was his best buddy. Which, by the way, I think is super cool. Fourth grade kids, however, didn't think so. Gay jokes, in the fourth grade? Really? Thankfully, the pesky comments stopped after two days, and a few phone calls made. I wasn't prepared for something like this. I feel like the most naive person on the face of the planet. Neither of my older children have been picked on in school, before this incident. Those two days were pretty rough. I can't imagine what it must be like to be picked on, on a daily basis, for years.

Lindsey is dealing with typical tween angst, I suppose. She's having a hard time dealing with change. School, itself, has been great for her. She's doing well, and making friends. It's keeping the old friends that's been the biggest struggle for her. She is having a hard time dealing with the fact that her closest friends have changed so much. She feels like she's losing a part of her family.

Darrell has been a little stressed at work. I guess the biggest hassle about working on a production line is dealing with the equipment. If anything is off, it throws lots of other things off. Once the cars make it to him, there is a lot of readjusting that has to be done. It makes for an exhausting work day....and a lot of moody coworkers. He's been so tired this week.

I don't even watch the news, but in a small town, you can't help but to pick up on the latest. As is the norm in news, tragedy and disaster.

To top it off, a visit to my grandmother's this past weekend was quite difficult for me. I think when my sister and I first arrived, she knew who we were. However, I don't believe it was too long before she was confused as to who her visitors were. She looked at me as if she were trying to place me. She never asked, or said anything, but I could tell. For the most part, conversation went well. She is slightly irritated because she doesn't understand why she is in the home she is in. She thinks she has a home somewhere else with a dog there, as well, and she is worried that nobody is taking care of that home or her dog. She believes this home is on the same street. Some days, she gets angry and has asked my sister why she keeps calling "that man" PawPaw, and says that he won't let her go back to her house. Praise the Lord, she didn't say anything like that on our last visit. Later, she told us that she went into one of her spare bedrooms a few days prior, and sat down on the bed for a long time just looking around. She said that she got real upset and had started crying. When I asked her why she had said that it was because that room was her kids room, and it hasn't been touched since they moved out and she misses them. She said that they all lived far away and can't visit her often. My mom visits her several times a week. She doesn't realize this fact. My grandfather, later, told me that she didn't even realize we had left and wanted to know why we didn't kiss her goodbye. Today, I am almost certain, she doesn't remember we ever came by.

Hearing my mom cry over watching her mother slowly drift away in mind is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with.

Being the person that they all need me to be....I'm trying. God knows I'm doing my absolute best.

I'm barely hanging on this week, but that's okay, because I'm allowing God to carry me right on through it all. It can't be any other way. Asking Him to give me the strength, the words, the wisdom, a nurturing ability, the love that I need to help make things a little better for each person....including me.

Father, you have blessed our family so well. You've blessed us with one another, as well as with amazing friends and memories shared with each. Thank you for opening our eyes to a bullying world. Had you not, we may not have spent as much time praying for victims of bullies or their attackers before this. It's easy to forget about the things we really should be praying about, when it's not been brought to our attention. Thank you for continuously putting people in my children's lives so that they never feel alone when they lose a friend or life changes. I pray that you continue to bless all of my children with friends who know and love you. Thank you for supplying our family with financial stability through all of Darrell's hard work. He is amazing, Father. Thank you, so much, for creating him and making him my husband. I pray that I am, to him, all that he is to me. Thank you for every family gathering had at MawMaw's house, her amazing laugh, the strength that she instilled in all of us girls, every kiss, the years our children have had with their fabulous great-grandmother, every cozy couch sittin moment had with her...and for all that are still to come. Thank you for my precious mother. She has strength that she's not even aware of, and I'm so proud of her for being so diligent in her love and care for her own mother. I ask that You continue to bless her with strength and precious time spent with MawMaw. Father, it's been an especially emotional week for me. I'm not going to allow this dark cloud to hover over me any longer. Change is so painfully hard for me. I am nobody in comparison to You. My struggle is so small in comparison to that of the world's. I ask that you help me to be the person everyone needs me to be. The person you want me to be. That person who has the ability to shine Your light regardless of any future black clouds hovering around. Thank you, for living in me. My life would be dark and joyless without You. In Jesus name I praise and ask these things....Amen.

My step daughter is going to grace us with her presence this weekend. :0) It's been a while since she's come for a visit, and we are all really excited. The babes are out of school Monday and Tuesday, so I do believe we are going to have a blessed four day weekend!!!

Relishing in His goodness...


Cassy said...

Thank you for sharing your heart dear sister. Lifting you and your precious family....

Christy said...

I can't thank you, enough, for your prayers! I do believe they were answered, as I've had the best week. God is awesome...and you rock. Love you so much!

Rightthinker-Andrea said...

I'm so sorry I hadn't seen this sooner so I could pray. I still will!

I am sickened by how children treat's not the old fashioned ribbing of's cruel, mean and their parents have never taught them the basics of how to treat others. I'll pray for Gabriel, as that is uncalled for..sorry you had to witness what he went through-so hard for a mama.

Things are so difficult for His beloved at times. We have so many struggles, yet so many opportunities to rely on Him-clearly what you are doing.

I love you my sister in Christ, and I will continue to keep you and your lovely family in my prayers.

Many blessings.