It's that season again, and my two remaining school-aged babes have started another year of school. My Ella girl woke up an eager ninth grade student with Georgia Connections Academy and the baby of the family, my sweet Jacob, a fifth grader with the Empower program. First year of high school and last year of elementary school. My goodness...that happened far too quickly!
Gabriel surprised his little sister and brother with bakery cinnamon rolls, to make their first morning of school just a little extra special. They went to bed anxious about starting a new school year, but as I listened to them laughing with one another at our kitchen table, gobbling down their cinnamon-sugary breakfast surprise, with no signs of anxiousness on their faces, I knew that God heard my prayers for them and was answering them. I think it's going to be another great year for these two!
Backing up just a teeny bit, our fur-baby, Roscoe, got himself a fractured toe and sprained hock (basically a dog ankle). By the way that fella was acting, I was convinced that it was far worse than what it was. Scared us silly! This is something that, before losing Darrell, I wouldn't have been able to handle well. But I remained calm for the kid's sake and took my ailing pup to the vet.
I'd like to be able to tell you that I didn't once think "I REALLY wish he was here to help me handle this." but I'd be fibbing. I thought it over and over as I was placing my screaming pup into the carrier, and as the room filled with hysterical cries, from the kids, for me to hurry and fix it all. It's literally by the grace of God, alone, that I stayed as calm as I did and was able to calm them in the process. Three weeks later and I'm happy to report that Roscoe has made a full recovery and back to running at high speeds to jump on the couches, again, every time someone shows up here!
It's been ten and a half months. I still spend many restless nights praying for sleep. My chromebook can often be found on the side that was once occupied by his warm body, purposefully filling that now all too empty spot. It's speakers fill the silence with my rad playlist. ;)
The agony of grief has somehow turned into acceptance, though. And, while nothing still feels quite right anymore, we're doing okay. We are much stronger than I think any of us realized we were before all of this. I cleaned out this kitchen drawer that he kind of took full possession over, as storage for his tools, despite having a large toolbox in his garage. I jokingly nagged him about that blasted drawer, constantly. I hadn't opened it in probably a year. I avoided it like a plague. One morning I came to this sudden realization that I can decide where those tools go and what happens to that messy drawer. So I pulled the entire drawer out, and placed it on the table. There were loose nails, wrenches, screwdrivers, paint pens (he always forgot to leave these at work and constantly came home with them in his pockets), a half of a pack of his favorite gum, work goggles, locks, and such. I threw away what needed to be discarded and took the rest to his toolbox. It felt like such an odd thing to be doing, almost disrespectful....but I can't keep living in that mindset. He's not coming back and the last thing on his soul, today, is his old "junk drawer". It's currently empty because, while I was able to clean it out, I wasn't quite ready to fill it up with other things. But I think I'll make that a small priority this week. Baby steps.
One of my fellow widow friends reached out to me today with desperation in her words. It's been six and a half months since she and her young boys lost her husband to covid. They've hit a pretty rough emotional patch in their grieving process so, if you feel so inclined, please pray along with me for that sweet three.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are given by God."
-2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Relishing in His goodness...
Christy
