Georgia, in December, is consistent in the fact that the weather is capricious, at best. Hot one day, cold the next. Tonight, it's chilly though, and I'm having a difficult time abating the thoughts that are running rampant through my head like the zoomies that my animated pups get when we come back home after a few hours away.
Time was swift, yet again, and we are approaching the end of another year. Another year that I can't bring him into with us. It's hard to believe that I've been a widow for nearly fifteen months. The months have flown by, leaving specks of dust and debris behind them. I want to beg time to slow itself so that I can keep up...maybe I simply need to hold onto it a little tighter, though. It's not slowing itself for lil ole me, that's for certain.
My hat goes off to single mothers. While the reward outweighs the hardship, by a whole bunch, I feel an overwhelming need to overcompensate for their lack of a second parent. The two youngest are eleven and sixteen. Such tough and impressionable ages. It helps that they are really great kids. On the other hand, I often wonder if I'm enough for them. Especially in the long run. I hope I'm doing it right. Lord, guide me.
I've mentioned this before, but I'm in this place of slight denial over the vast changes that have taken place in our household over the span of just a few years. At one time, meals at our table meant that there wasn't an empty spot left. I've cooked countless meals for a family of sometimes seven. Now there are just three of us at the table, most nights of the month. I'm having a little bit of a difficult time processing that change. On the upside, meal prep doesn't take as long when cooking for just three of us. I'd happily go back to those days of a full table, however.
I've kept myself busy on home projects, lately. I feel completely empowered when it comes to building things that he'd have put together, if he were here, of course. While my Ella is not your typical sixteen year old, I thought it was time to start making little changes to her room. Integrate an older style. Out with the kiddie stuff.
It doesn't look like much, but that desk was a bit of a pain to put together, by myself. It felt sooooooo good to complete that project, though, and help her to decorate it.
She has such an appreciative spirit. She thanked me over and over again. Her smile was worth the annoyance that those stupid legs turned out to be to put together. Heh.
One thing I've loved learning about myself, through this navigational period, is how well I can do for myself and my children, independently. I couldn't have imagined, fifteen months ago, that I'd be able to say with complete assurance that I could ever be this independent. Suddenly I see Rosie the Riveter giving me a congrats-on-being-a-strong-independent-woman wink. My life, in my head, is being played out like one big scene on the set of Grease and I'm here singing to my own tune. And...I'm a horrible singer, y'all! Lord knows I am...but I'm gonna sing it anyway.
Here are just a few photos of our lil home decorated for Christmas. It's not much but it makes me cheerful nonetheless.
