"When have you felt God's presence the strongest in your life? During the most difficult times, right?!" -Pastor Paul
Oh, how I love the way the Spirit speaks to me! I'm incredibly thankful for our Pastor and church family.
It's Sunday, early afternoon. Ella and I have been home from church for less than an hour. Indicative of my "heathen" ways, I immediately came into the house and changed out of my church clothes and into baggy pajamas and threw my hair into a messy ponytail before getting Sunday supper prepped and into the oven and put a pot of coffee on. All the while, replaying the pastor's sermon in my head. He mentioned a Bible verse that tugged at my heartstrings and triggered a memory that I felt compelled to share with you all.
As a Christian, I am fully aware that my life is going to be anything but easy. A very good friend of mine once explained her trials to me like this: "Our savior was tortured and earthly life taken so that my filthy sins would be washed free and I could live an eternal life with our Father. Who am I to think that I am better than He and that I should live this life without hardship and trials?"
That early September morning, in 2021, bound with COVID, I watched from a wheeled stretcher a scene being played out in front of me. Every bit of that moment felt like an outer body experience, but I was completely at peace. That peace is something that surpasses every bit of my own understanding in existence as the type of mother that I am. My oldest son stood at the back of the ambulance, heavily sobbing and expressing his love to me. Over and over and over again...."I love you so much, Mama." I, unable to express my love back nor did I have the strength to console my distraught boy, one hundred percent believed that I would never see him or my other children again once I left the house in an ambulance, that morning. Despite that, I was at complete peace. If you personally know me, you know how much being a mama to these babies means to my world and mere existence, so this is not something that I share with you lightly. I have shared this memory with very few people, mostly because it was such a traumatic event. As is human nature, our brains systematically block out details of traumatic events. Survival kicks in and that takes precedence over the trauma. I call that God's tender love and mercy. I KNEW that God was carrying me and I KNEW He would carry my babies when/if He called me home and I KNEW where I was going when my breath seized. Nothing but peace in the midst of one of the most traumatic events of my life. That peace would cover me, once again, a couple of weeks later, when COVID would take my husband from us.
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:5-7
As Pastor Paul preached from the book of James, this morning, this particular memory was triggered/jogged and then a lifetime of trials came flooding in like a movie being replayed in my mind...and I smiled with gratitude at that flood because I HAVE, indeed, never felt God's presence stronger than while going through some of the toughest ordeals that I've come to face with in my forty-five years. If you are a long-time reader, you know that I've maintained sheer gratitude for my trials. If it were not for our precious Father's love and mercy, I don't know how it would be possible to cope, otherwise. Many years ago, in the midst of my first of several miscarriages, I asked God to hold me in His arms because I was so completely shattered and weak. I, without a doubt, felt Him hold me as I lost that baby. HIS precious tender mercies covering me like a thick quilted blanket. I'm ever so thankful.
I pray you, sweet reader, feel that peace in the face of adversity, experiencing the growth that is established in such and the ability to share your testimony in Christ.
From the chorus of one of my favorite worship songs:
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when you're standing
in the valley of decision
And the adversary says "give in"
Just hold on, and our God will show up
And He will take you through the fire again
Oooo, that's a good one, y'all! I was singin it as I was typin! I'll share it for you, below, in the event that your ears have not been spiritually stimulated by all its goodness. :)
In other news, I have such a fun post to work on that I'll share in a few days. Ella just got back from her first youth retreat. My girl, whom God created preciously and uniquely with Selective Mutism, went on such an awesome adventure and has been making up for three whole days of non-verbal communication since the second I picked her up from church, last night! She had an absolute BLAST! I LOVE this sooooo much for her and can't wait to share with you all! Happy Sunday and many blessings to you, from wherever you are reading.
Christy
IStndAmzd79@gmail.com
