Oh, Hey There, Insomnia!

    

    This is insomnia at its finest, folks. Redneck charcuterie and The Red Clay Strays on YouTube at two-something in the morning. Sleep isn't going to be beaconing me, any time soon. I'm wide awake. I find myself talking to God all throughout the day. It's effortless. However, I tend to give Him a break from myself in these wee hours where my thoughts are invasive and sleep is elusive. I have no idea why I do this. Stubborn, I suppose. Lazy, even. Nevertheless, here I sit. Criss-cross applesauce in my bed, like a child, unapologetically eating deli salami, nuts, spicy cheese, and garlic stuffed olives while hovered over my laptop clicking away to nobody in particular in the still of the night. Probably not the remedy (or menu...ha) I should be seeking at this hour but I am finding much comfort in my music-filled room with this paper plate full of finger foods, nonetheless.  

    I am thankful, also, to hear the sound of my thoughts pouring out of my fingertips and into this keyboard. If you knew me, you'd know that I speak as eloquently as a baboon. Words do not roll off of my tongue near as quickly and pristinely as I'm able to type/write them. I'd like to blame the thick Southern accent but it's a definite brain thing. It thinks at a calibrated decimal that my mouth seems unable to keep up with. Either that or my tongue is an independant nuisance. Either way, words spill out of my mouth a clobbered mess. Most especially when I'm with new people or a crowd. <Insert the sound memory of the teacher on Charlie Brown here...Wonk, Wonk, Wonk, Wonk, Wonk> My fingers are able to keep up, for the most part, so typing has always been a cathartic outlet for me. My dad gifted me an electric typewriter, when I turned sixteen. Still my most memorable birthday present to date.    

    Typically, my bouts of insomnia are fully charged by worried thoughts and, admittedly so, feeble-minded faithlessness. There are, in fact, far too many things on my mind tonight, and things that I am dreading. BUT, I don't feel worried about any of these things. Dread and worry aren't necessarily the same, are they? In any case, I trust the Lord's will. I think my insomnia was brought on by a number of things, but most especially by the fact that I am in a relationship with a third shift worker and our weeks are consistently inconsistent. That coupled with a brain richly caffeinated with coffee is a sure fire way to get yourself a case of the insomnias, folks! 

    I thought I'd fill this half hour, or so, answering some interesting questions that I've gotten from readers. One of the questions I'm most often asked about, from readers outside of the US, is about health insurance here in the states. I won't get into the details, because that'll get me bothered enough to stay up ALL NIGHT, but it is indeed as preposterous and expensive as you all have probably heard.

    From a reader in China, I was recently asked how a widowed woman with children is regarded in our area. Such an interesting question. Have you ever been asked a question, though, that should be easy to answer, but immediately stumps you simply because it's such the norm that you don't know how to elaborate to someone who isn't from here? I became a widow thrown into a sea of MANY new widows/widowers during the peak of Covid. There aren't any rules to follow, in regard to widowhood here in the states. God tells us to love/serve the widowed and the orphans. And there were precious people who loved us well in those first couple of months, certainly, but most people seemed afraid to contact me because they probably didn't know what to say. I've found myself in that place before, as well, so I get it. It's hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving. I found, sadly, that I lost close friends after my husband passed away. I think my grief was too thick for their shoulders to bear...and I truly hold no ill-will toward them. It's just what happens. This year will mark the fourth year since his passing and I'm finding that people are more at ease around me than they were when he first passed away. So many people were too afraid to make eye contact with me, it seemed, in that first year. I am enjoying the ease of which eye contact has come back to people with me. I am often forced to inform people that my husband has passed, when dealing with the business and medical aspects of our lives as well as school. I typically receive a quick respite in the form of an apology for my loss but that's usually (and thankfully) the extent. Other than these things, there aren't any rules to follow of the widowed nor of society toward the widowed. While I am still considered a widow and my children are without their father, I am very much so in a solid relationship with Luke and do not dwell on my widowed status. Therefore, I appreciate not being treated with pity or overlooked simply because people can't be bothered with a widow's grief/disposition. 

    I was recently asked, by a sweet lady in Israel, what our family's favorite meal was. We all have different favorites! Luke could eat spaghetti with a thick tomato sauce full of meat, olives, onions, and mushrooms every day for the rest of his life and be happy with that. I love grilled steak and shrimp coupled with a salad or roasted brussel sprouts. Ella loves when I cook spicy chicken curry or any Mexican dish. Jacob's favorite meal is homemade meatloaf with mashed potatoes, cabbage, and sauteed broccoli. Gabriel loves when I cook shrimp and broccoli alfredo. Lindsey loves a dish that I call "the poor man's pot roast" that consists of hamburger meat, potatoes, carrots, and onions. 

    Thank you, sweet readers, for your e-mails and questions! I thoroughly enjoy getting to know those of you whom have reached out. I hope this day finds you well and joyfully fulfilled!

 I'm going to exit this insanity of sleep deprived inebriation with a fun video that my oldest girl sent me, recently. Josh and Jase are "Two Brits" who thrive on sharing their tour-of-America shenanigans with colorful accents and cheerful dispositions. I enjoy watching their perspectives on our food and culture as well as their fusion of British humor. They were recently in our home state of Georgia and this is one of the videos they posted during their visit here last week. If you don't follow them on YouTube, I highly recommend! 

A Snow Day in the South

    For several days there was solid news hype that our Southern state was expecting snow and ice. The urban word "icepocalypse" was being used to describe the prediction, in fact. For those of you reading outside of the US, snow and ice isn't something we Georgians (The Southeast region of the states) are accustomed to, therefore mass panic tends to ensue with news hype such as that. Luke and Jacob were at the farm so it was just Ella and I left to prep for the possible power outages that tend to incur when we get ice. Downed heavy lines, and such. I thought I was being smart by skipping the larger stores and hitting up our local Aldi. Chaos and panic was in full motion, however, and our Aldi was a fun house of long self-checkout lines and annoyed shoppers who, like me, thought going to Aldi would have been a simpler feat. Nevertheless, I got a few goodies before heading over to Walmart, which seemed underwhelming, comparably. Perhaps it's simply a matter of building size. Aldi is pretty small, after all. In any case, Ella and I got what we needed. The sleet began falling sometime in the middle of the night and soon after came the snow. I awoke to a missed phone call, followed by an immediate text notification and then an e-mail. I knew from the experience of living in this county what it was. Automated weather alerts. Our town is highly vigilant at keeping us alert after a pretty devastating tornado, several years ago. Before I picked up my phone to check all three alerts, I jumped out of bed and ran to my window to see what became of our little world up here on this hill in the woods while we slept. 

    Maybe I wouldn't be as partial to it if I lived in a Northern state but the view from my bedroom window, that morning, was simply magical! Our little hill and the forest surrounding our home was covered in a blanket of white that glistened in the still silence of it all. It was art and I marveled in it. This piece of Southern land turned, overnight, into a bona fide winter wonderland right outside the warmth of my bedroom window. What a rare treat!  

    Ella and Gabriel took advantage of our snow day and spent the afternoon playing a fierce few games of snowball fight, building a snowman, and sledding down our steep driveway. The pups were apprehensive, at first, but eventually frolicked about in the chilly fluff with their winter sweaters on. Jacob took part from the farm, via video call, and watched as his siblings pelted one another with snowball after snowball. Poor guy....I hated that he wasn't here with us to experience the snow. The farm didn't get any (thankfully so, too), but there was a new calf born into the herd, so that was exciting news! 

    Our social media news feed was slap full of enthusiastic snow day posts from Southern friends and family alike. The excitement of it all was electrified by the fact that we folks don't get days like this often and seeing it and having it, even if just for a day, was simply pleasurable! The snow and magic began to melt the next afternoon, however, and we thankfully never lost power in our area. Our snowman is still standing in a backyard of green but I'm fairly certain it'll be melted within the next couple of days. The tall trees made a barrier from the sun, in our front yard, so we have a yard full of white slush there. The driveway and walkway are both clear, however. 

Here are some photos from our snow day here in the South:

Two of these photos were taken by the bird feeder Luke bought Ella for Christmas. My diligent fella was checking to make sure it was still full of food and water. The day before, each of those fork spokes contained a blueberry. One-by-one, the blueberries were gobbled up by several different birdies making for some pretty awesome photos sent to my girl's phone! I'll share those in a separate post, at a later date.

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Twenty-Four hours later. Such a contrast! 

It was fun while it lasted!

Reflections and Hope

     

    We have a family tradition of sharing, on the last day of the year, our favorite things about the year that's coming to an end as well as what we hope the new year will bring us. I enjoy seeing how the kid's answers have evolved with maturity and life experiences. I started a family journal/scrapbook a few years ago, and I've begun writing their answers in the book. But, since Darrell's death, I've found that my need for family preservation has become increasingly incessant. So, I'm adding our reflections and hopes here, as well. 

Mama: The year ended just as quickly as it began. In a blink of an eye, it seems. Yet, I find it extremely easy to reflect back on a thousand little moments that made 2024 so notable. Getting to watch my grandson grow...even from afar. He hit such fun milestones in 2024! Blowing kisses. Pointing. Crawling. Walking. The sheer excitement he gets when he sees his Grammy. How he makes my heart leap with joy! And watching Lindsey, my first born, be a mother to her first child...what a sweet blessing that's been. She is a natural and she makes me proud. Life and tough decisions forced a 12,000 plus mile gap between us but we make the most of it by having many video chat sessions a week. My second born, Gabriel, was Baptised in 2024. As a Christian parent, I can't think of a better consecration than your child's willingness to share his salvation. It was a tremendous honor to be there to witness his Baptism. He also made the bold decision to apply for college and was accepted into a local university. He'll soon begin taking classes in his first semester. He volunteered to coach t-ball and soccer, at his church, in 2024. Those wee ones adored my boy! No surprise to me! My third born, Ella, just finished her first semester of the eleventh grade with all A's and B's. She has worked quite diligently, to say the least. 2024 found her doing a bit of vet tech work with farm animals. A dream come true for my animal-loving girl! She is evolving into quite an extraordinary young lady with a flare for fashion, a love of trying foods from other countries, and the innate ability to make those who adore her smile with her sheer presence alone. The baby of the family, my Jacob, has absorbed every word of everything he's been taught about running a farm, by his Pops. Like his sister, he passed all of his classes with all A's and one B. He's learned how to drive a tractor like a semi-pro. He went fishing for the first time in 2024, and found that he revels in it. My relationship with Luke continues to flourish. It's in a stage of slight newness and age-old familiarity combined. He gives me constant butterflies still, but I feel as though I've been with him my whole life. He also drives me a lil batty on a daily basis. Ha! He has a knack for annoyance. He says it's his "love language". To which I reply, "Love me less then, please." He says "That's impossible!" This exchange always makes me chuckle and silently thank God for this man's presence in my life. Every bit of him. Even the annoying bits. We work well together. I thoroughly enjoyed doing 2024 with him by my side and was thankful to have entered the new year with my small hand in his massive one and our lips locked.

    My hope for this year is that we all learn new things that we are able to apply to our daily lives in a positive way. I hope we venture to new places and absorb, in humble reverie, every bit of it all. I hope we exude compassion and empathy and the ability to be beacons in a dark world. I hope that darkness never has the ability to extinguish our lights. I hope we try new foods and indulge in sweet, sweet music and take time to read! Make new friends and love well on the old ones who've been good to us. Along those same lines, I pray for my youngest children whom have struggled a great deal, since COVID, to make friends. Being a virtual learner creates a bit of an obstacle as does the added angst of being a teen with Selective Mutism. I pray that the Lord directs our family on a path that leads us to a place/community that is not simply content and wants to see new people come, encouraging growth as well as inclusiveness. I hope that my children, most especially Ella, can be seen as a human and not looked past because she does not have the ability to be vocal outside of her comfort zone. I can't tell you the number of times that I've seen her be ignored or looked past...even worse, the number of times that she has seen it herself. I hope that 2025 brings people in her life, aside from her family, who truly desire to get to know the person that we all know her to be and have patience for her disability while understanding that, aside from her inability to be vocal, she is a typical eighteen year old who loves to shop, go to the movies, animals, traveling, and being social. She deserves far more than she's been given from the world. I hope I am able to continue to advocate for her as I've always done but, most importantly, that she can find the ability to advocate for herself remembering her worth despite her inability to speak aloud. I hope the new year finds all of us immersed in the knowledge that EVERYTHING we have and everything we are is because of God's grace, love, and mercy for us and being thankful for every bit of it all. I hope we have an abundance of precious time spent together making new memories and reminiscing about old ones. I am itching to see my Lindsey girl and her lil family again so I pray 2025 finds us scurrying back to Oklahoma as well as them coming home to visit as much as possible.

Lindsey: My favorite parts of 2024 was celebrating Luca's first birthday, making a big move, and growing more as a mother/partner/woman. Going to the zoo with you guys was also so much fun!!! I have no big expectations for the new year. Just want to come home once or twice! I'm not trying to put too much pressure on this new year! 

Gabriel: My favorite parts of 2024 was getting Baptised, my new job, a new car, going to the gym every day...I've had a lot of fun adventures with my family and friends. I ran a 5K for the first time, too. I hope that in 2025 I can see Lindsey and Luca again. I pray that God leads me in my career and upcoming college courses. I hope that I save more money and lose fifteen more pounds. I want to tell you how thankful I am for you, Ella, and Jacob. I hope that I can spend more time with you guys and with Luke, too. I'd like to be around more and get to spend more quality time with you guys. I love you all and am thankful for you all.

 

Ella: My favorite part of 2024 is going to the aquarium and getting to do the penguin experience for my birthday. Doing vet work on the farm. Movies. Shopping! Getting an i.d. and starting my own bank accounts...can't believe I'm eighteen! Going to Oklahoma to visit Lindsey. Christmas lights. Going to Callaway with the family for Halloween and Christmas. The Christmas party we had and building gingerbread houses with everyone! Going to see Wicked with Shelby and Jacob, too! My hope for 2025 is to get my drivers license and learn how to drive better. Travel to new places! And getting to go see Lindsey more! 

Jacob: My favorite parts of 2024 (in no particular order) was getting student of the month in both sixth and seventh grades. Going fishing. Doing anything at all with my Pops; raking hay, feeding cows, eating breakfast, harvesting potatoes and broccoli, etc. Going to see Lindsey in Oklahoma. Meeting Victor and seeing Dana again. Selling Shrimp the calf. Being with Mama Re. My archery tournament. My hopes for 2025 is to keep all of my grades in school at an A, make new friends, save more money, gain a better understanding of how plants and cows work, and to plant a garden. 

    I asked Luke if he wanted to participate and his answer came quickly and as fluently as he could muster while watching an episode of SweetTooth. I typed as he spoke and his answer went exactly as follows: 

Luke: My favorite part of the year was being with all of y'all. Ummmm.......from umbridge. I dunno, babyyyyyy. Okay. Buying a tractor and using it. Seeing the Oakridge Boys with my baby. The Cousin Retreat. Seeing the bears up that'a way (in Gatlinburg), and going on a vacation to that other place. Where'd we go again? You know? That other place.

Pause......

Me:(Chuckle) Okie dokie. Got it. What's your hope for the new year, my love?

Luke: Ummmm....(ten second pause) Um...peace and prosperity.

    So there you have it! Our reflections of the past year and hopes for things to come in this new one. It's nothing special to anyone, but us, but it fills my soul slap full of benediction, nonetheless. I'm incredibly thankful to do this life with these people. They each bless my soul well, increase my laughter lines by ten fold, and possibly even create the abundance of gray that's growing like wild flowers atop my ole noggin. I don't take a single second of it for granted. 

    

    I hope the new year is off to a stupendous start for you and yours, sweet reader. Wishing you a very blessed 2025!