My go-to artist, for most moods, is Van Morrison. I've heard the song a million times. I've always loved it but I couldn't really relate to it. I HATE that I do now. That grief mess hits you like a ton of bricks. You know the reality of the situation. Your spouse is gone but a song; one blasted song that you've heard a million times, comes on and you're down for the count!
19 Sundays without my JohnnyCakes. How is it possible that time has flown by so quickly without him in this world?
I found a Covid Widows board on facebook. I am naive about a lot of things, it's true. But, I've read all of the numbers. I've watched the news. I've heard the stories. Even still, I am shocked at the many, many stories shared that are nearly IDENTICAL to that of our own. While my heart is shattered at the many lives affected, I am thankful for the ability to chat with people who can relate to the extent at which this trauma has caused the kids and I.
Because...while I've been blessed with beautifully precious people in my life, I don't know anyone in my circle who has had covid, and lost a spouse while recovering themselves, with children in tow. I have felt very much so alone in my healing process.
For 19 weeks, I've simply gone through the motions of living. My heart hasn't been in it. But I truly want to change that. He'd want that for me. Aside from God, nobody loved me as fiercely as that man did. I know he wants better for me. So...here's to the next 19 weeks. May we be immersed in nature, adventure, lots of good music, and a gazillion memory makin moments.
Relishing in His goodness...
