I'd been pleading with God, for several days, to bring him to me in a dream.
I've not slept well since I lost him. I've probably not had one full night of sleep since September. Nights are the most difficult time of my days now. Walking into my bedroom, each night, is more of a chore than a reprieve, as I stare at an empty bed, night after night. A bed that feels much too large now that he's gone, but one that I've got to climb into, nonetheless, and force myself to get enough sleep to make it through the next day. I've been gifted with a few glimpses of him in dreams. But, oh...this one was different. God came along for this one. Only, I didn't see God. His deep, tender voice spoke merciful to His grieving daughter, from a place that I could not visualize, but it seemed as though He was directly to the left of me. My husband stood directly in front of me smiling his famous closed-mouth smile, never uttering a word and not needing to, either. There was such an overwhelming peace in seeing him and in hearing HIM. There was so much communication going on yet without a single word being uttered aloud between Darrell and I. He was perfect and beautiful and healthy...he had this amazing soft glow about his presence. I only saw him from the torso up but he was clad in what reminds me of the white undershirts I always told him he looked so good in. He'd wear them with flannel pajama pants on the weekends. So many memories of him in those white shirts.
God gave us a short time to reunite. I cried deliriously happy tears and told him, without speaking, how happy I was to finally see him again. He just kept telling me he loved me, over and over. We embraced but I let go quickly so that I could look at him again. He just looked so beautiful. I kept hold of his arm as he held the side of my face in one hand. I could have stayed like that forever.
God's voice spoke softly into my left ear and I let go of Darrell.
"Darrell wants to give you a gift, Christy,."
(I chose the fancy font for God because...well, you know. It's God!)
I never saw God's hands but He placed a felt letter board into my own hands. I kept looking from the board and up at my smiling husband; I had such a tremendous amount of gratitude for God that He would allow me to see my fella and that my fella asked to bring along a gift of words. I've never felt such love as the amount of love that I felt that very moment. Time ceased to exist as I relished in the presence of my God and of my husband.
I always told Darrell that words were the best gift he could ever give to me. The best thing about him serving overseas was the abundance of letters that he and I sent back and forth to one another. He hated writing but he always did so for me. Even after he was home from the war. He constantly wrote me precious little love letters or filled cards with all of the things that mean more to me than money could buy. Written "heart words" were an intricate part of who we were together. He carried a letter, that I wrote him for one of our early anniversaries, in his wallet. The creases were thick and the ink was hardly legible but it meant so much to him. I'm thankful that I was given a man who felt the blessings that came from written words just as much as I do.
God began reading the letter from Darrell, to me, as I continued to look at the words spelled out on the felt board and up again at my husband who reached out to grab my hand as the words were being read to me.
"You were the center of my whole world, Christy. You and the kids were all I ever wanted in life. Thank you..."
The letter continued but, sadly, I watched my still smiling husband and the felt board begin to drift slowly backward as I was being awoken by one of my children. I tried to fall directly back to sleep, praying that they'd both be there again to greet me, but I wasn't able to find sleep again that night.
Even though I didn't get to see the ending of that letter, I was given all that my soul needed.
What an absolute gift. Thank you, Father..
I read a something, recently, that said,
"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening. But no matter how hard death tries it can't completely separate love."
Amen.
Relishing in His goodness...
