Thirty-Eight plus weeks. I am ravaged by constant reminders and it's REALLY gotten to me this past week.
We're about to get real.
I'm overwhelmed. I think it has a lot to do with the changing season (might I just add that it's snake season, too. I've already spotted a baby-ish sized snake on the front porch! ACK!!!), but there are so many things that I've got to take care of. Living on this much acreage comes with its fair share of maintenance. Working outdoors, was something that he and I did together and took so much pride in. But, now, everything looks a hot mess. I can't even apologize for my usage of slang term there, either. An absolute hot mess! I've neglected it, admittedly so. His absence shows completely when you drive up to our house. When it rains, its evident that the gutters need to be cleaned. Tree limbs are growing wildly over our steep driveway and hitting the roofs of our vehicles as we drive up. The grass is tall. Weeds are growing. The house needs to be pressure washed. Windows need to be scrubbed. It pains me, but I think I'm going to hire professionals to come out and take care of it all. One less thing for me to worry about. Now I've just got to get over the social anxiety part of calling up a company and having them come out. Boo. It's sooooo much fun adulting and I'm obviously crushing it. {insert exaggerated eye roll here}
The kids...I am in a place with them where I am REALLY trying to be patient and empathetic with them. These sweet babies have lost one half of what gave them security and love in this world. They lost their father at such young ages. I KNOW its not been an easy transition for them. But, I'd be fibbing if I didn't say that I'm losing my sanity just a smidgen, where they're concerned. Mostly because...I can't fix it. It's infuriating.
I've learned that locking myself inside of a room, for the simple sake of privacy, causes too much anxiety for them. So I keep doors unlocked and, a lot of times, open. Mamas know what I'm talking about when I say that private bathroom time is almost an impossibility when you have toddlers. Well...that's currently my life's disposition with a ten and fifteen year old.
Just for the sake of sharing a good example, tonight as I was taking a bath, one of them poked their head into the bathroom several times to ask me random questions. When I finally just admitted defeat and got out of the bathtub, I found them both waiting for me on my bed. I've become a pro at getting dressed while still clad in a wrapped towel, these days. When I suggested (with humor, mind you) we discuss basic privacy standards, one of them said, "We just worry when you're in the bathroom for too long because we're scared you're going to drown." and the other said, "We lost our dad! We're just scared to lose you, too!"
{Exhale deeply}
I took those two punches to the gut with an abundance of empathy and made a mental note to work on my internal indignation for the lack of privacy I've experienced these last thirty-eight weeks. If it makes them feel better, after experiencing such a loss, to make sure that they've still got me...who am I to complain about privacy?
My sweet babies...Lord bless them.
The grief therapist said that it tends to get worse in the second year, for children. I'm bracing myself for what's to come.
In other news:
We sampled our Universal Yums box, last week. Goodies from the UK! Eeek! I was thrilled about this box! Everyone, who knows me well, knows that I have such a fondness for the UK.
But...I believe, after getting this last box, that they send snacks that are on the cheaper side, and probably not the most popular. Nevertheless, it was a great time, as always! I get such a kick out of doing these boxes with all four kids. My personal favorite were the rhubarb & custard bon bons.
They were slightly tart but really yummy! The Kent Crisps were like what I can imagine a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory experience to be like. The flavor was Lamb and Rosemary but it was like eating an entire roast dinner. The first thing that you taste is a brown gravy flavor, followed by the taste of a roast and then mashed potatoes. We all thought that was a cool experience. The blackcurrant Millions were also really tasty. They aren't quite as hard or tart as our Nerds candy, but slightly similar. I'd actually prefer the Millions to Nerds. The kids loved the Pickled Onion Rings. They taste very similar to our pickled flavored snacks, but not near as strong. The kids seemed to find that to be refreshing.
My UGA boy came home from school, last week. I LOVE having Aaron home! I got an entire week with my boy to celebrate his 20'th birthday! Woot!
Lindsey's birthday was just a couple of days later. My first child is 23. That blows my mind!
Young mamas, take note, TIME FLIES BY! Listen to what everyone tells you and relish in every minute. 
This was Lindsey and I. I look like a baby myself. 
These two oldest babies, of mine, have grown far quicker than I ever imagined they would. Gabriel will be 21 in August. Oy vey!
